I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
