In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
