Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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