Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
