Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
