its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
