so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
