she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
