Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
