yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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