Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
