I am in a vortex of obligation.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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