He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
