oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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