No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
