I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
