I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
