also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
zippers are such a cool invention
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
