All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
