"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
