Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
