So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
