Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
His hands were made for my vagina.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
