i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
