why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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