Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
