I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
