if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
