brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
