you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
