ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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