i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
