You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
