Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
