Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
