walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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