this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
