I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
