The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
