So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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