Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
