I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
