So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
