it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize