and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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