he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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