i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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