Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
