took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You can't motorboat a personality
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he was CRYING into my vagina
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
