I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
