I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
