he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
