The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
