i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
