just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize