I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
