my shit smells like andre
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
