He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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