at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He's a Shit stain on my heart
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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