hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
