guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
