You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
