hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
