If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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