Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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