I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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