Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
