I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
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