i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Randomize
