I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
