Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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