Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he shaved USA in his pubs
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
