Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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