Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
