Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
