i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
we're so committed to being not committed
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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