You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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