Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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