I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize