Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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