just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
