Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
