dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
