I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
