Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
