come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize