shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
