Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
