I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
