I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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