Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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