I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
