why do cheetos always look like penises
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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