I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize