Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
