dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
