If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
