OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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